Recently my son asked for additions to his already large inventory of books. He asked that I explore my bookshelves; and share any treasures he may not have read.

Well, as a reader - you know what happens when you begin to check which books you might be willing to part with.  You flip the pages, smile, recall the rest of the story – and put it back on the shelf.

Since this was my son asking, I managed to select a few that met his approval. I could let them go to a good home. 

During my shelf rummaging and page flipping I found a small book titled The Book of Excellence, 236 habits of effective salespeople - published in 1990, a mere 34 years ago.  It was filled with best habits and advice of the day that made me shake my head.  Wow.  

Some advice has stood the test of time.  Other advice?  Well, times have definitely changed.

The book's advice:  Send birthday and anniversary cards.  Spend at least 4 hours a day in front of customers.  Resist fads, whether in clothes or language.  Are your shoes polished?  Get up early and work late. Tell the truth. Be loyal to your employer. Listen. Listen. Listen.

And the list continues: Rapport is not developed on the telephone. Face to face develops long term relationships. All play and no work does not work. Is your hair shaggy and unruly.  Is it too long? Do you use too much hairspray? Spend as much time providing customer service as talking about it. Keep your car, especially the interior, clean at all times. There is no replacement for effort.

I won’t share all 236 habits.  You get the idea.  People and what is important to us change.  Habits, good and bad, stick around unless we shake them up once in a while.  I’m working on developing what I think are more good ones. More reading is on my very long list of more this, and less that.

Never too old to change our habits.

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My brother, who lives in England, has been visiting for the past ten days.  We decided we must be getting old.  It seems a lot of our conversations, many of which ended with a good belly laugh, began …” Do you remember?”’

Not surprising, most of our memories were good ones, funny ones, about people who helped us.  The freedoms we had as kids, eccentric teachers, stories our parents told.   We laughed about Mr. Airy, a teacher who wore a little rear-view mirror on his glasses; and could whirl a blackboard duster with amazing accuracy at a misbehaving student.  Imagine that today.

We reminisced about how young we were, making our way via public transport from our town in the North to the big city of London.  Another, imagine that.

Food, always a good topic, recalled simple home grown, home prepared foods.  We never ate in a restaurant, except for the occasional fish and chips shop.  The result was  healthy kids, and a deeper respect for ‘how in the world mother did it all.’ 

Memory Lane, providing you don’t spend too much time there, is a great place to visit.  It made Jim and me remember our roots, the good times, how fortunate we were.  Today, as always, we live in a not-so-perfect world. And yet, we can almost guarantee, when your grandchildren go on Memory-Lane trips they will remember the good stuff.  That’s just how we are.

Thanks for the memories …

 # # #

One week ago today the world for many of our friends, families, and neighbors changed. Beauty and calm turned to horror and destruction.

Amidst the tears, desperation, and losses yet to be fully realized; one thing rose to the top.  America, as we know it in our hearts, came through.  Neighbor helped neighbor.  Compassionate people around the country strove to provide links to survival. 

The response was instant, it was instinctive, it was real.  No second guessing, no red tape, no what’s in it for me … it was full blown ‘we care’ at its most personal level.

We couldn’t reach our Asheville son. A resourceful neighbor found a way to let us know he was OK, or as he nonchalantly put it ... we are hanging in there together.

Hurricane Helene left widespread misery in her path.  She also left us with the conviction that despite reports to the contrary, there are still more good people than others.

 As Robert Frost said, ‘we have promises to keep – but there are miles to go before we sleep.’  And so, good people, from my son's neighbor  ... hang in there, together. We need each other.

# # #

Yesterday, while taking my evening walk, I suddenly heard a voice.  I swiftly swirled around.  A young man, radio on, was close behind on an electric scooter.  He foot-scraped to a stop and blurted out “Oh sorry, you didn’t look OLD from behind.” 

Despite not knowing whether to consider this a compliment, or a concern since my front obviously did not meet expectations, I had to laugh.  The rest of my walk I pondered … how did we become so humorless about words never intended as insults?

My husband, who did not have a disrespectful or mean word in his vocabulary, often spoke to Garden Club groups. He would sometimes begin by saying, “I’m so glad to be here with my new-made and old-made friends.”  The women laughed. They made him an honorary member.

Fast forward: The card game “Old Maid” has changed its name.   It is now Bold Made.  The new name being less ‘controversial.’  Made me wonder if it was ‘old’ or ‘maid’ that demanded change.

 Without question, some words or combinations of words should be forever stricken from conversations. No matter the conversations are in person, print, or electronically. Others?  It’s difficult to stop saying ‘Aunt Lizzie was an old maid. We’re not sure if by  choice or circumstances.’

A PC too far?  Just be kind in word and thought – that’s all that matters.

Game of Old Maid anyone?

# # #

I'm in love. This is the real thing.  Sure to be a forever love affair.

It's just ten days since twin great grandchildren Everett and Elizabeth entered my life.  It seems much longer.  It's as though we've known each other forever.   I can't stop looking at them. We talk about the fun things we'll see and do.  They don't comment, but they seem to understand.

What is it about these tiny miracles?  You hold them and feel such trust.  You hear them cry, and say ... it's OK, we'll make it all better.  You watch them squirm, and encourage stretching.  Feeding time again?  Enjoy. Get strong.  We'll do our best to keep our promises.

These complex little people are human. They cannot be created by artificial intelligence. They respond to the human touch.  They flinch when anything cold or hard touches them.  Without  a day's training, they sense when they are safe.  Whether the hands that hold them are hands that care. They are miraculous. 

Do these brand new little ones feel love?  Oh yes.  How do I know?  They smiled.  Their Dad, my grandson, said it was not really a smile.  Well, I'm their great grandmother and I know better.  They smiled.   

# # #

While driving to the mountains a few days ago, a route I have driven hundreds of times, I caught myself saying ‘I don’t recall seeing that before.’  Then I realized why.  Today I was driving in the slow lane.  I never drive in the slow lane.  Getting around, ahead, and first has been a lifetime game.

Our sons tell stories of going to the ice cream shop.  Mom sees others headed in the same direction.  Hurry up boys, all those people will get ahead of us.  Most were not even going to get ice cream. Still if they had been – we'd be there first. 

 Swimming, walking, running, driving, working – it didn’t matter.  Keep moving. Fast.

Driving in the slow lane I saw wildflowers, funky diners, families picnicking, inviting antique shops.  Funny thing.  I seemed to get to my destination in no time at all . So many interesting sights along the way.

My husband Robert’s frequent admonition was ‘Joan, everything can’t be instant pudding.’  He's right. It can’t be.  We wouldn’t want it to be. That was the message.   Taking time helps flavor more than the pudding.

Suddenly life in the slow -or at least slower- lane seems more than OK.  It allows time to listen, learn, and enjoy life's flavors.   Not caring if you’re first.  Being productive in ways that matter.  Really participating when it's important.

Confucious says: It does not matter how slowly you go - so long as you do not stop.

# # #

Am I imagining this, or is the landscape suddenly awash with ‘experts?   How does one achieve the title?  Can one earn a degree in expertness? 

Take the expert in home organizing.  Can he or she organize my kids. Can hoarding and sloppy habits be organized.  How will I know if I passed the organizing test.

There are experts offering to organize our resumes. Do they know more about us than we know about ourselves. Oh, right - they use words that just make us sound better.

The expert political adviser currently has our attention. Amazing how many variations of the same theme the experts seem to offer.  Which expert is the real expert?

As time goes by – we realize we are not experts at or in anything.  Makes life so much easier. When asked a question to which we have no answer.   We just smile and say, “I have no idea. You’ll need to ask an expert.”

Grasshopper expert? Nah.

# # #

Our family gathering to celebrate Independence Day followed the usual agenda this year.  We never plan an actual agenda.  It just happens.  We feast, toast the day’s importance, catch up on new aches and pains, marriages and babies. And then begins the trips down memory lane. 

It’s the stories we remember. Our favorite stories were told long ago around the coal fire.  The stories Dad told about Ireland. The ‘troubles,’ the fiddlers, cutting the bog.  Tiny Tim and the Cratchit family always made us cry.  Brave Robin Redbreast, who had to go to the barn to keep himself warm - and hide his head under his wing - poor thing. We all learned to feed the birds.

The same stories were told over and over.  We never tired of them, or said  ‘you’ve told us that twenty times.’   All the stories ended with … “see how lucky you are?”  In other words, things might be difficult, but others have it a lot worse.  Or, 'well now, see what happened because Jim stopped to help?'    Every story had a lesson – and because we did not know it was a lesson – we remembered.

There’s magic in storytelling.  Stories, told well, are lessons.   Tell me a story today, and I will tell it to my grandchildren tomorrow.   The magic and memories continue.

# # # 

At dinner recently, several friends and I observed one of our least favorite diners.  He was a pompous looking individual.  His frequent hand raising and clicking his fingers to get the attention of the server was annoying. An interesting source of conversation.

I recalled an old English tale about another all-important fellow in a London Club.  He felt he was not getting the attention he deserved.  Finally, he said to the server – ‘young man, do you KNOW who I am?’  To which the young man responded, “no sir I do not, but I will make inquiries and inform you directly.”  In other words, the young man had decided the fellow could not help his bad behavior, because he was confused.

The tale is humorous.  The question, we decided, is profound.  Why do some individuals believe they are more important than everyone else?  We acknowledged some, by virtue of their age, longevity as a customer, or special challenges should receive special attention.  They rarely demand it.

Our group included mothers, grandmothers and great grandmothers.  We decided these self-absorbed ‘do you not know who I am?’ individuals had missed a chapter in the book of manners. They missed the chapter spelling out the rules of polite behavior, in public and private.  We asked ourselves, ‘should we overlook their demeaning behavior?’ 

Final consensus: We should attempt to fill their missing chapter and teach by example.  Plus, as one of our less forgiving group added, ‘with steely-eyed looks of disapproval of their behavior.

Here’s looking at … who are you?

# # #

Plumbers have my utmost respect and admiration.  Some of the jobs they undertake are most unappetizing. Their good humor, patience, and stoic attitude is priceless.  When you need a plumber, there is no short cut or substitute.  Plumbers are in high demand.

Recently, I needed a plumber.  You could say it was an emergency.  It looked like my guest room ceiling was ready to collapse because of an obvious leak from the great unknown. 

Hello Plumbing Company, I have an emergency.  I’m a long-time customer.  Here’s the problem… “We have a lot of emergencies today, “says Ms. Kind Receptionist, “I will send someone the minute they are free.”  It looks like water is still building up, and the ceiling could cave in any moment.”  “Yes, that does happen.  Our crew will take care of it. They will be there as soon as possible.” 

With the help of friends, I installed tarps, buckets, and tried to protect anything in the line of danger.  And watched the clock and the ceiling.  Where are they?  This is a disaster waiting to happen.

Three hours later the plumbing crew arrived.   The ceiling had not collapsed.  The crew tore open the ceiling, located the problem (a big one), and went to work.  “How long do you expect this to take?” I asked.  “No idea,” was the honest response, “we’ll do our best.”  And they did.

Why am I sharing this temporary misfortune?  It occurred to me that Ms. Kind Receptionist must make priority decisions with every call she receives.  She has to weigh the facts, the depth of the problem involved, who or what will be affected, how quickly this problem needs to be resolved.  Sound familiar?  Just like our life decisions.

So, the message - which I personally needed: Trust the service person you are asking for emergency help. They have usually mastered the art of recognizing urgent emergencies.  Because of their skills, we all benefit. 

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